Subarus are for people who test drive other decent looking cars and decide “no, I want something frumpier.” Based on their bumper stickers, these people are concerned with freeing Tibet and whether their hiking sandals match their spouse’s. They drive well below the speed limit to conserve gas but not the patience of anyone trapped behind them.
Every damn time they come out with a new design my husband and I say “well, they can’t get any more hideous” and the next mid cycle refresh they manage to out-do themselves. Overall their exterior designs are hideously awkward with too much body cladding. They have inexcusably cheap interiors, no power, are overpriced, ugly, smelly and not as reliable as they used to be.
Subaru’s flagship model is the WRX STI, a compact sedan or hatchback with 305 horsepower and all wheel drive. I’ve never driven a WRX but the general consensus is favorable because their light weight and AWD makes for nimble handling and wicked grip.
Subaru has conned into people believing this peanut on wheels is in the same league real sports cars like a Camaro, Challenger, or Mustang. I don’t care if the WRX’s horizontally-opposed (Boxer) four cylinder produced 1000 horsepower and emitted nothing but tofu vapor, why anyone would want to shoehorn their ass into a vile contraption the size of a sushi roll with an exhaust that sounds like underwater Tuna flatulence is beyond me.
A proper sports car is vehicle designed for burn-outs while blasting the devil’s music, not to pop over and retrieve little Meighe from toddler and Goldendoodle Bikram yoga class. A proper sports car is meant to distract the Smokeys on a 1200 mile Coors beer bootleg run from Texarkana Texas to Georgia, not for picking up a case of organic Kombucha at Whole Foods. A proper sports car looks in motion standing skill and furious in your review mirror and doesn’t have a cute Subaru fascia. A proper sports car is accessorized with a custom exhaust and matching apparel for the owner, not a ski-rack and a “I hiked whatever mountain and don’t regularly shower” bumper sticker. A proper sports car doesn’t share the same body as an econo compact and is car will the flagship vehicle of a brand who offered L.L. Bean Editions of their vehicles.
Also they can take their "Love Makes a Subaru" ad campaign trying to market towards gay people and shove it.