I recently attended Haters' Roast, the Shady Tour and loved it. Ginger Minj chose someone from the audience to read the queens, but unfortunately it was not me. Now that I've had a while to think of some reads, I'm posting them here. If you need a break from the world news, President Cheetoh or anything else, definitely go see the Shady Tour!
Watch the video, I'm at a loss.
Am I wrong?
I can't be the only one who sees the resemblance between The Minj and the 500.
- Buick Buzzard: The alliteration is a memory device for Buick owners.
- Daewoo YouHoo: Did Daewoo & YooHoo make it out of the 90's?
- Dodge Balls: Dodge's old slogan was "Grab life by the Horns" but I like "Grab life by the balls" better.
- Dodge Duck: The opposite of a Dodge Ram.
- Dodge PowerBottom: A PowerWagon for today's market (more on this later).
- Ford Excretion: Still a better model name than Probe.
- Ford Flounder: Flounders are ambush predators.
- Ford Fondue: Available in colors such as cheese and chocolate.
- Ford Stream: Millennials will love the Oregon Trail Edition.
- Infiniti AnyBeyond: Someone explain to me how Q30 - QX80 are more memorable. I'll wait.
- Jaguar Pelt: Offending vegans everywhere, myself included.
- Jeep Beep: Designed to tackle the wilds of American urban sprawl.
- Maserati Kamikaze: What Maserati owners want to do to their local dealership after getting their first repair bill.
- Porche Potato: Not sexy or aerodynamic, but somehow it sounds right.
My crew cab 3/4 ton 4x4 truck is over 20ft long has the turning circle of a schooner. Driving a vehicle of that size on narrow New England roads and small parking lots has not posed a problem that I haven't been able to overcome:
- Problem: Tight parking lots require 37 point turns
- Solution: Drive over a couple curbs and you're free! (sorry undisclosed Big Lots location)
- Problem: Can’t find a parking spot?
- Solution: Park on a snowbank or grass.
- Problem: Can’t find the road?
- Solution: Make yourself one.
- Problem: The Subaru Forester driver in front of you is too concerned with the political state of Tibet to reach the speed limit.
- Solution: Illuminate them (and their entire sad Subaru interior) to your frustration by turning on your high beams and blazing two beams of light through their rear window.
- Problem: Indecisive drivers at the traffic circle?
- Solution: Intimidate other drivers with your size and barrel through, the biggest vehicle always has the right of way